To some people's very natures apparently. I am very often not shocked when my being myself is offensive to others because it tends to happen in front of my face and I sort of expect it from certain personality types. What *does* shock me, however, is when I'm apparently offensive to people who I would never expect it from. Family members. I have one set of relatives that I've managed to piss off everyone but one cousin in the family. She's the only one who hasn't given up on me. There are others in the family that are friends with everyone in my immediate family... except for me. And not for a lack of trying on my part. I'm just not a desirable enough situation to be in contact with?
I don't get it. I have PLENTY of offensive people that I deal with on a regular basis because I love them, regardless of how they act or because there is some form of obligation there. I'm not really...hurt(?) persay. I think maybe I'm more annoyed. At least I know why my aunt took me off. She told me. Why am I so offensive to them? I honestly don't know. Not these people. Not on the level that as part of their family (despite the fact that there are some of them that would rather not be a part of our family at all and yet still manage to be friends with my siblings) I'm too (abrasive,fat,interracial,rude,liberal, etc) for their tastes.
The coolest thing I can find about being randomly removed from family and formerly good friend's lists with no knowledge or fight to clue me in as to the reasoning? I get to make up my own. I've decided that their all racist republicans. Because I can.
It shouldn't bother me because if they don't want to be involved in my life even on a small level like being possibly exposed to my facebook (or me theirs). But it prickles me a bit. I've not had a bad thought about some of these folks until they decided that I wasn't.... seriously, desirable is the best description of how I feel about that. I'm so happy that I have some family who would never turn me away and friends that I know never would. I'm thankful for them.
Here's to hoping that I don't need family for support any time soon. Because I guarantee that if I'm not even allowed to be a small part of your life, I am definitely not going to be there for the big stuff and wouldn't ask them to be a part of mine. Almost makes me wish that I did have a wedding so that I could make an issue out of not inviting them. Oh...but I'm not vengeful like that. I just like to have the thoughts sometimes. Ugh... ok I'm going to stop letting this bother me and get some stuff done now.
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