Words

Words can do funny things to you. They can incite beauty, pain, memories, hatred, and a plethora of other emotions and actions. They get us motivated, whether for good or evil. I am greatly affected by words in my life. The simplest of them bring me great joy. From a man, all I need to hear is "mine" to make me soar.

It's easy to tell someone that words are just words. And sometimes they are. They are so often empty of any real emotion. It depends on the situations and circumstance.

I have always been a big reader. A careful compilation of words can totally immerse me into a new world and let me escape. And most importantly, to me, words allow me to express myself in ways that very little else does.

Unfortunately when you are so affected by words, they can cripple you just as easily as make your life more enriched. Last night some words were spoken to me in a drunken state that hurt me to my core. Rationally, I know that they weren't meant in the spirit of hatred that they were said. But that makes little difference when they are emotional in nature. They hit to the very core of what I sometimes already feel.

I love my family. I am a very firm believer in the fact that no matter what problems there mat be in your family, you should support them when they need it and knock them down when they need it. And they should do the same for you.

The words that hurt me last night will stay with me for a long time and it may be awhile before I can feel forgiveness for them. I don't need help in feeling guilty about my mother or bad about my seeming inability to have children. The fact that these reminders came from someone in my own family is what is making this so hard to deal with. I may overstep my bounds on occasion, but it doesn't matter. I'll be ok. I know that I'm a good person with a big heart and I'm not going to let these words affect me in the long term. But for now I need to feel this pain so that, eventually, I can forgive this pain.